Traveling is like flirting with life. It’s like saying I would like to stay and love you. But I have to go..
Home. A word that many travelers buried in the beginning of the journey. We never look back at what was going to let us go. Instead, we seek for adventure. We let go everything that we have in our comfort zone. How we search for something that thrills our adrenaline. And so we begin to flip in a new chapter of our life.
New place. Different people. Diverse cultures.
Once in a lifetime adventure. A learner in life. A survivor.
We have tasted it all. We took every step of the journey filled with meaning and memories. We become a storyteller. We share good and bad experiences that would last in our mind. We have travelled across new countries, seek for something that tickles our soul, crossing every border just find our limit. We push ourselves to find the real passion, to begin a new life, to find ourselves again.
But, time flies..
Every beginning has an end. And every end has a new beginning..
In the beginning of 2016, for the first time in my life, traveling was not as fun as I would imagine for the first time in my life,. I realise that I was moving too fast, travelled too soon and did not close the chapter properly. I couldn’t breathe in the atmosphere, did not dig into the culture, and I did not connect with any locals. I was disappointed to myself.
Even when I was being brave all the way, deep inside I am just still that little innocent girl playing to be an adult. I was just this small person in a foreign country, clueless and alone..
Then it hit me. I was homesick.
I used to think that Bandung, my hometown will always be a place where I can put say ‘to go home’. But then after traveling for a long time, the idea of ‘Home’ became shifted. The little charming town, Ubud, was my home for a year where I found a new family who encouraged me to pursue my dreams. Thailand was my home for months as I felt connected with the culture and the people. Leeds was also home for more than one year where my funny cool housemates became a little diverse family which I always missed. ‘Home’ is not always the greatest city in the country, but it has the greatest people that touch your souls.
“It’s funny thing coming home. Nothing changes. Everything looks the same, feels the same even smells the same. You realize what’s changed is you…” – F . Scott Fitzgerald
Coming back to Indonesia after living abroad was such a relief. Hugging my family and laughing together with good old friends was the kind of excitement that made me feel blessed. But I have changed. I am not the same person as before anymore. This ”home’ that I was stayed in was not the same kind of feeling that I had.
Sometimes home is not where your family and friends are. Sometimes home is not where you were born or raised. Sometimes home is not a person nor a country. Home can be the sea, the mountain, the dessert, and the landscapes that you were always in awe. Home can be wherever you have left every piece of your soul and where your heart truly belongs. Home is where you feel most secure and relax. Home is not a place, it is a feeling…
Once you have tasted the genuine feeling of solo travels, you will never be the same again. You realise that you will always be a wander of something that could never settle down. You can be in one place and build a life surround you. Or you can be anywhere in the world giving life that inspires other souls.
© 2017 Writing & Images copyright of Marina Utami.